I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
