help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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