She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
