They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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