Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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