How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
