She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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