i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
