Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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