Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Randomize
