They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
