It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
