This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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