And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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