Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
