She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
