Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
