Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
