My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
