i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Say something about gay babies.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
