let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
