please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
