I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
