Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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