My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
