Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
