I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
