Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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