Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
