You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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