The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
