The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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