Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
