if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
