The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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