Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
