Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
