I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
