He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
