I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sober January is a disaster.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
