I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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