so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
