Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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