you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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