I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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