the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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