someone threw a dead crab at me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
