I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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