dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
