you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
