i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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