Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
