I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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