I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
