i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
honey bunches of taint.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
