They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
