Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
