I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
