How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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