I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
