I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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