tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Say something about gay babies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
