bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
